I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... religious/spiritually. How apparantly there's supposed to be this more recent coming of Jesus Christ. But - how are we so sure that Jesus is going to be the same exact person he was. We dont know for absolute sure that it was the same exact "Jesus Christ" that came in whatever second comming (I dont know half of what I'm talking about, because I've actually never studied christianity or whatever yet... just because the bible study as a piece of literature class I wanted to take in high school was canceled and I never got a chance to take it). But from what I've heard from other christians - the "lord and savior" will come once again to save us all. But like I just said - perhaps the second "Jesus" wasnt the first Jesus, but a "Jesus" that Jesus taught to be Jesus... finding people who look like you isnt that hard (well today, another rant on that another day), Jesus could have found a pretty darn look alike and used him as a ploy to make people believe a ressurection has happened.
Alright... this is the part where I tell you all how what I think of Jesus Christ. This is all stipulation, because... well - apparantly he was born 2005 years ago or something. All I know is some things that people can do in human nature, and the possibilitys for creativeness to do things. I think Jesus was something of a trickster - magician if you will. He'd have staged miricles to gather people to his view of christianity. He took the word "God" and made it so that everyone could feel good about themselves, each other, and their religion (with some set-stone 10 rules, of course). I think he was a positive thinker, and help mold Christianity into what he hoped would be an immortal religion of positiveness. Sounds like he was manipulative, but not in the sense that he would give him a bad twist... manipulation can be used to entertain, enjoy, make good. Modern day example of this benevolent manipulation is the moden-day magicians. Which leads me to my final thing I think about the first Jesus... he either had a twin/lookalike... or he created a trick that would make it look as if he had died (or his look alike had died)... either way... if there was only one Jesus (and not a "Jesus") then he probably created his own ingenious death-defying magic trick (if you learn the secets of modern-day magicians... many of their tricks are very simplistic... such that even in Jesus's day such magic could be arranged... well... of course he wouldnt have a car racing towards him back then... but hopefully you can grasp that Jesus may not have really died untill after the second "Jesus" had died.
As for the next, newer Jesus... I dont know if he (or she) will ever come... and if this Jesus comes... there lies many questions... is he the original Jesus... a ressurection of the original? if not... how can the world be sure that the person who says they're the ultimate savior is really Jesus. Where will he come from? if it's a reincarnation - what would be Jesus's modern-day background, sex, race... everything be? Kind of the whole "What if God was one of us" but it's more "What if Jesus is now one of us, and no one knows it yet?" Above all - how will this new Jesus (assuming the reincarnation) know he's the new Jesus... or how would scientists try to explain Jesus's ressurection (or... would it be the actual scientist that attempt the very art or ressurection). Or perhaps someone needs to be the trickster again... take the lead... and make themeself the next savior. Perhaps this is what the world needs... one great, intelligent, goodhearted person to take charge and make the world a better place just by being influential... and influencing one of the biggest religions in the known world...
Just something I've been thinking about
2005-06-14
Zach's Shockwave on the Blogosphere
I have recently been following a 16 year old gay guy from Bartlett, Tennessee named Zach's effect on the blogosphere...
He recently came out to his parents as homosexual , and their response to this fragile information is to send him to an ex-gay religious camp called "Love in Action". Now... this all would have probably boiled over and things would have gone on as normal in these ex-gay camps, only Zach had created something of a "fan base" or "support group" with Myspace's blogging. His blog can be found here. It begins (from the bottom) with a few cute Myspace blog serveys, his coming out, displays the rules of Love in Action, his agony as he prepares going to this ex-gay camp, and a final "thank you for your support, and here I go" type entry.
People read his writings and the strict rules that LIA ("love in action") enforced on his blog. Soon, other blogging individuals and groups caught wind of his struggle. The word seems to have spread like a wildfire. According to Intelliseek's Blogpulse, In the past two months the topic of LIA has nearly doubled in blogging discussion (from about an average of about 0.02% of all blog posts to 0.04% of all blog posts)... I dont know if the link will work, but the chart displaying this can be found here. This search included both "Love in Action" and LIA search strings, but searching only on the string "Love in Action" the jump is far more drastic, the surge begins around the date of June 5th (two days after his most recent blog), that chart can be found here (again... I dont know how long this link will last).
One such group is the QAC (Queer Action Coalition) who have graciously volunteered to organize protests in front of LIA. (recent news and archives can be found on their blog here)
Another individual is E.J., writer of the blog Cherry Blossom Special, whom has been writing very open minded blog entries on this topic... one in particular is looking at the parents of Zach as human, which is probably one of the better articles, because it gives a different perspective - yet keeps a very positive and constructive viewpoint... that blog can be found here.
Wendi C. Thomas has also made a contribution to the knowledge of LIA, two of her articles can be found here(pdf) and here(pdf).
There has been rumors that Zach will leave LIA very soon... many will anxiously await not only the completion of his finding his sexual identity, but what impact his simpy writing in a myspace blog has had on the blogosphere, and what the blogosphere is now doing to help prevent forcing people of all ages to deny themselves their identity.
Other Links:
New York Blade on Zach and LIA
http://www.newyorkblade.com/thelatest/thelatest.cfm?blog_id=1130
He recently came out to his parents as homosexual , and their response to this fragile information is to send him to an ex-gay religious camp called "Love in Action". Now... this all would have probably boiled over and things would have gone on as normal in these ex-gay camps, only Zach had created something of a "fan base" or "support group" with Myspace's blogging. His blog can be found here. It begins (from the bottom) with a few cute Myspace blog serveys, his coming out, displays the rules of Love in Action, his agony as he prepares going to this ex-gay camp, and a final "thank you for your support, and here I go" type entry.
People read his writings and the strict rules that LIA ("love in action") enforced on his blog. Soon, other blogging individuals and groups caught wind of his struggle. The word seems to have spread like a wildfire. According to Intelliseek's Blogpulse, In the past two months the topic of LIA has nearly doubled in blogging discussion (from about an average of about 0.02% of all blog posts to 0.04% of all blog posts)... I dont know if the link will work, but the chart displaying this can be found here. This search included both "Love in Action" and LIA search strings, but searching only on the string "Love in Action" the jump is far more drastic, the surge begins around the date of June 5th (two days after his most recent blog), that chart can be found here (again... I dont know how long this link will last).
One such group is the QAC (Queer Action Coalition) who have graciously volunteered to organize protests in front of LIA. (recent news and archives can be found on their blog here)
Another individual is E.J., writer of the blog Cherry Blossom Special, whom has been writing very open minded blog entries on this topic... one in particular is looking at the parents of Zach as human, which is probably one of the better articles, because it gives a different perspective - yet keeps a very positive and constructive viewpoint... that blog can be found here.
Wendi C. Thomas has also made a contribution to the knowledge of LIA, two of her articles can be found here(pdf) and here(pdf).
There has been rumors that Zach will leave LIA very soon... many will anxiously await not only the completion of his finding his sexual identity, but what impact his simpy writing in a myspace blog has had on the blogosphere, and what the blogosphere is now doing to help prevent forcing people of all ages to deny themselves their identity.
Other Links:
New York Blade on Zach and LIA
http://www.newyorkblade.com/thelatest/thelatest.cfm?blog_id=1130
2005-06-09
Vacation... w00t
I'm currently at my Aunt Paula's house... Watching television with my grandmother while checking my e-mail, looking at mishaps, and finishing up w/ a blog entry.
Anywhoo - my father informs me Saturday that my grandmother wants me to visit her in Oceanside so I can hang out with my cousins.
Well... sunday comes along and I head over to my Aunt Joy's in Orange County... I get to see and hang out with my cousins: Mikey, Sara, Desiree, and Dejah. My Aunt Joy, Aunt Maggie, and Uncle Mike. Along with Aunt Joy's bf... I cant remember his name. And Desiree's Boyfriend, Gordon. We talk about psychology and personality types... all good times. Uncle Mike and Aunt Maggie drive me over to Oceanside. I get there... hang out with my grandparents that were there (start on endangered species puzzle). Then I go to sleep.
I wake up monday, expecting to go to the zoo w/ U. Mike, A. Maggie, Desiree, Gordon, Grandma, and Grandpa to the San Diego zoo... but because Desiree was running late and U. Mike was having back problemos we decided to have a "lazy day" Desiree and Gordon eventually came and we all talked... which was interesting. Later on we decide to get chinese... so we do... and Dejah and her boyfriend, Brian came to eat food with all of us. It was good times... (Brian was supper cute and cool... Dejah sure knows how to choose 'em). That nite, since parents dont like their children getting sexual while they're around... I shared a room with Gordan as Desiree slept in the other timeshare w/ her parents (U. Mike and A. Maggie). lol - to say the least Gordon was having Desiree withdrawls. I came out to Gordon as a "practically gay bisexual" and I also told him that there's not much I could do about his frustrations because he's Desiree's.
Tuesday comes around... and generally all that was was spending time with Millie and another nun at a retreat and also a quiet restaurant called the Bread Basket... I had a delicious chilii-in-a-bread-bowl. I leave with my grandparents as the two nuns bless me and put my voyage through life in their prayers... I gave an appreciateive laugh, nod of the head, and a hearty "thank you". We then went back to Oceanside and hung out at the pool and such... pretty relaxing. I cooked pasketti sauce for dinner the next time under the guise of U. Mike.
Wednesday we finnaly get to go to the San Diego zoo - w00t! I bring sunscreen along and announce that people put some on, because it WAS a beautiful day... and beautiful, sunshiney days = sunburns... Des and Gord put on their sunscreen, but I dont think U. Mike or A. Maggie heard my announcement. A. Maggie ended up with a horrible sunburn... and when I say horrible.. I mean - jeez - red red red red red red!!!! But we saw lots of animals.. I got a few cool souvineers for ppl. We left the zoo and went back to Oceanside to have the spagetti dinner (which the sauce was delicious if I do say so myself :-P)
Thursday... I wake up... get dressed... get packed... and head over to my Aunt Paula's. Where we figure out how we are goin to get me all the way back home to Moorpark.
So... the plan is. I go with grandma and grandpa to trainstation... they get me on a train to Moorpark... I get to the train station... walk/take bus home... and well... I'm home... for just over 2 weeks before I turn big 18. Who knows what will happen then... Time will tell... time will tell.
What a way to kick off the summer... yippie skippie
Anywhoo - my father informs me Saturday that my grandmother wants me to visit her in Oceanside so I can hang out with my cousins.
Well... sunday comes along and I head over to my Aunt Joy's in Orange County... I get to see and hang out with my cousins: Mikey, Sara, Desiree, and Dejah. My Aunt Joy, Aunt Maggie, and Uncle Mike. Along with Aunt Joy's bf... I cant remember his name. And Desiree's Boyfriend, Gordon. We talk about psychology and personality types... all good times. Uncle Mike and Aunt Maggie drive me over to Oceanside. I get there... hang out with my grandparents that were there (start on endangered species puzzle). Then I go to sleep.
I wake up monday, expecting to go to the zoo w/ U. Mike, A. Maggie, Desiree, Gordon, Grandma, and Grandpa to the San Diego zoo... but because Desiree was running late and U. Mike was having back problemos we decided to have a "lazy day" Desiree and Gordon eventually came and we all talked... which was interesting. Later on we decide to get chinese... so we do... and Dejah and her boyfriend, Brian came to eat food with all of us. It was good times... (Brian was supper cute and cool... Dejah sure knows how to choose 'em). That nite, since parents dont like their children getting sexual while they're around... I shared a room with Gordan as Desiree slept in the other timeshare w/ her parents (U. Mike and A. Maggie). lol - to say the least Gordon was having Desiree withdrawls. I came out to Gordon as a "practically gay bisexual" and I also told him that there's not much I could do about his frustrations because he's Desiree's.
Tuesday comes around... and generally all that was was spending time with Millie and another nun at a retreat and also a quiet restaurant called the Bread Basket... I had a delicious chilii-in-a-bread-bowl. I leave with my grandparents as the two nuns bless me and put my voyage through life in their prayers... I gave an appreciateive laugh, nod of the head, and a hearty "thank you". We then went back to Oceanside and hung out at the pool and such... pretty relaxing. I cooked pasketti sauce for dinner the next time under the guise of U. Mike.
Wednesday we finnaly get to go to the San Diego zoo - w00t! I bring sunscreen along and announce that people put some on, because it WAS a beautiful day... and beautiful, sunshiney days = sunburns... Des and Gord put on their sunscreen, but I dont think U. Mike or A. Maggie heard my announcement. A. Maggie ended up with a horrible sunburn... and when I say horrible.. I mean - jeez - red red red red red red!!!! But we saw lots of animals.. I got a few cool souvineers for ppl. We left the zoo and went back to Oceanside to have the spagetti dinner (which the sauce was delicious if I do say so myself :-P)
Thursday... I wake up... get dressed... get packed... and head over to my Aunt Paula's. Where we figure out how we are goin to get me all the way back home to Moorpark.
So... the plan is. I go with grandma and grandpa to trainstation... they get me on a train to Moorpark... I get to the train station... walk/take bus home... and well... I'm home... for just over 2 weeks before I turn big 18. Who knows what will happen then... Time will tell... time will tell.
What a way to kick off the summer... yippie skippie
2005-06-03
Graduation... Grad Nite...
Well... Yesterday was the day the class of '05 graduated from THS@MC. Well - I kinda did too, but as a future grad (I'm going to take college classes in the Fall). Which is all good and dandy, since they still let me go to Grad Nite.... w00t!
Here's the basic jifts, I hang with Marisa, Mel, Jamie, James, Cin, and Robert (I can never really remember Cindy's bf's name). So... first we hop on Splash Mountain! w00t! That was fun times. the pic is great... and I'm waiting for that pic to be posted somewhere :-P. Then, we wanted to go on Indiana Jones, but the line was uber long... so we went "fuck this"... and went over to fantasy land. I went on snow white, they went on the carosel... then we get lost... then I decide that I dont want to play hide and seek and found this cool bunch of Oxnard graduates to hang out with... we went to the teacups - fun times... they got dizzy - I didnt, lmao. Then we nabbed something to eat... then we went to startours and buzz lightyear. Then I decided to break off from them and go on my merry way. I went to the dancefloor and moved my body to the music - had fun, but although I was wearing a pink shirt... I dont think it's a good indicator of homosexuality nowadays... damn metros. so I end up going on Pirates twice and Haunted mansion twice... then I took the long hike back to the bus. Although I spent half the trip alone... I still had a blast.
So... now it's the summer. I (hope to) get a job, (hope to) get and drive a car, and (hope to) turn 18. Well, I am going to turn 18... but it's a big thing for me... kinda wierd and surreal that guys will no longer run away from me because I'd be "jailbait". Well... anyways, I'm free for whatever peoples, untill I get a job... If you want to hang out - feel free to hit me up!
Here's the basic jifts, I hang with Marisa, Mel, Jamie, James, Cin, and Robert (I can never really remember Cindy's bf's name). So... first we hop on Splash Mountain! w00t! That was fun times. the pic is great... and I'm waiting for that pic to be posted somewhere :-P. Then, we wanted to go on Indiana Jones, but the line was uber long... so we went "fuck this"... and went over to fantasy land. I went on snow white, they went on the carosel... then we get lost... then I decide that I dont want to play hide and seek and found this cool bunch of Oxnard graduates to hang out with... we went to the teacups - fun times... they got dizzy - I didnt, lmao. Then we nabbed something to eat... then we went to startours and buzz lightyear. Then I decided to break off from them and go on my merry way. I went to the dancefloor and moved my body to the music - had fun, but although I was wearing a pink shirt... I dont think it's a good indicator of homosexuality nowadays... damn metros. so I end up going on Pirates twice and Haunted mansion twice... then I took the long hike back to the bus. Although I spent half the trip alone... I still had a blast.
So... now it's the summer. I (hope to) get a job, (hope to) get and drive a car, and (hope to) turn 18. Well, I am going to turn 18... but it's a big thing for me... kinda wierd and surreal that guys will no longer run away from me because I'd be "jailbait". Well... anyways, I'm free for whatever peoples, untill I get a job... If you want to hang out - feel free to hit me up!
2005-06-01
Single and Hating it
My reasons start with the fact that I've never been in a relationship - ever. But I did hook up a few times to make sure that I liked gay sex... scientific method says Will indeed is a fag. I live in fucking Moorpark... suburbia. Where they cut down trees, name streets after them, and plant some trees neatly for decor. Where only the bravest of brave fags come out of the closet and become uber-prep fashion admirers. Where do I fit in? Well – I'm the brave gay guy that decided to come out, but isn't a total, utter prep. Yes, I'm somewhat str8 acting, long hair, I'm not a total hygiene expert, I have acne, I don't shave as much as I ought to, and the deal breaker: I am not fashionable. What does this mean to the other potential boyfriend material in Moorpark? It scares them off – apparently they can't have a boyfriend that picks his wedgies semi-discretely in public.
I also am extremely honest and outspoken, you ask me what I think – and I'll tell you what I think... I'll even tell a girl trying on new pants that those pants, do indeed make her ass look larger than it actually is. I've very recently taken on this “100% honesty path” and quickly have discovered, that the truth – originally meant to earn trust turns around and usually breaks it as well.
Also, a guy nearby wants to take me out on a date! Great... I get excited on Monday about a date on Friday nite. The anticipation builds... builds... builds! Then boom, whoops – the guy decides to cancel at the last second. Or... instead of going on a date, we end up fooling around and fucking or whatever. These “hookups” usually end with the other guy blocking my SN.
Currently, my age is also a problem. Those of the 21 and over club have “statutory rape” to worry about. Yes, I am indeed “jail bait” and thus being so also has resulted in guys blocking my SN because of it. They can't figure out that I'm not into a quick fuck, and by the time that we probably would make love I'd be fucking legal – I mean, wtf?!
It's NOT that I'm ugly, and it's not that I have a bad personality. I've been told many times that I am attractive. As for my personality, people upon getting to know who I am inside seem to love that part of me. I write poetry, I'm optimistic, I like doing things for others (often to my great detriment). My main problem is location.
I leave you with a song:
I'm kinda pretty
and pretty damn smart
I like romantic things
like music and art
and as you see I have a gigantic heart
so WHYYYYYYY don't I have a boyfriend...
FUCK
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me
Avenue Q - "It Sucks to Be Me"
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