Year Summary, 1/28/07

So far this year, life has been pretty tough to cope with.

Already, my spirit is wavering with all the stress that is put upon it.

Family life aint so grand... mom's angry at me because I, for once, am trying to be completely honest with how I feel about her. She can't take it

Friend life aint so grand either. I love all my friends (lots of she's and he's here, and each one is kinda different), but she's mad at him who is no longer with her who is with him, and because of these shifts in the patterns of things she's mad and since I decided to be straight (imagine that), she's mad at me now. It's just all so very difficult to take, and my spirit is overburdened with internal pain.

I'm a bit confused, and a bit sleep deprived. I'm kinda scared that I may go into the deep end of excitement again. Which will probably lead me to being put on pills again, and I hate mood pills - especially lithium.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm kinda hurting right now.

I still love, and always will love the beings around me. It just pains me to see my friends fight with each other.

Anything I've said I do mean, and I'm not one to take back any truth I have spoken, especially that out of love.

I am aware the world is not as ideal as I would wish it to be, but I take a friends advice to good use, if someone says I have written or said something too sharp. I may soften it a little bit, but the integrity of what I write and say will always stay in tact.

I love you all, I love you even more if you're read this entire thing.

*big hugs*

2007 01 22 - "Should Both Always?"

Easy, in laughter, to recall

Each time we choose to, we do so to
Lift our spirit higher, but it becomes

Harder to recognize that

Laughter masks our underlying sorrow;
Thus it becomes a shield for those sorrows.

So that we may never recall less, and instead become more;

To prevent visions of no end from misery, and let us even our own score.

Easy, in sorrow, to remember

the weakness within it forever persists, and
so we cry, to release our pain, but it becomes

Harder to realize that

Lament is a luxury, left to those who persist;
Ironically their surviving spirit further persists.

We remember our strength, but our weaknesses are left to be understood;

They empower us with joy so that we may be mended - both always should.

So cry when you are happy,
and laugh when you are sad.
Then learn from each lesson,
and make your own stand.

-William Boller. 2007 Jan. 22.