Thinking is Dangerous Business

Well – the semester's pretty much up, and I've become somewhat depressed – or at least less motivated.

What I mean is that I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing.

Work was tough yesterday – I got in and things went wrong to worse. I knew I should have stayed in bed that afternoon (I wake up at 3pm work from 4pm to 12:30am, and sleep again around 5amish. It's my usual digg). Well, I get to work and the very expensive teazzer machine breaks when I'm cleaning it, which is something I've always done religiously whenever I get to work. It never fails that that machine's dirtier than it should be by the time I get to work, no matter how many times they say they've cleaned it – it needs to be at least rinsed every time it is used, otherwise the green tea gets mixed with the black. Anyways – a wiper inside of the blasted thing got jammed instead of being calibrated and pushed to the right. It got fucked up.

I also had to hose down the friggin outside area. Now, I think it's quite fucked up that they added the chore of hosing down the pump area a few months ago. Personally, I think they should have someone from the car wash do it – since they are better suited for mechanical, motor, water, and physically-intensive tasks like the power washer. My manager should schedule two people each day for car-wash duties. One from 8am-4:30pm, and the other from 2pm-10:30pm. First one would open the car-wash; second one would come on, giving the first one his lunch; first one would go home; second one would close car wash at 7:30pm and then take lunch; second one would get out power washer and wash shit down until the 10pm noise curfew, put it all away, and (finnaly) go home around 10:30am. It's flawless – except for the fact that they'd have to hire someone to work carwash, which they should regardless because I don't know if Elliot wants to be a full time car-wash guy... but who knows – he could – and that'd make the whole hiring-a-new-subway-girl-and-cutting-back-everyone's-hours-in-the-subway-department move make sense.

And I also don't know what the flipper I'm doing as far as guys are concerned. This guy comes into work, and he is cute, jockish, and altogether delicious. We talk for about 15 minutes (while I should have been mopping the store, which I was already behind schedule for). We talk about how he's about to graduate from HS (so he could also be 17 and underage... perfect) and going to Cal Poli and his quest for Business admin. He was a cutie, and not to sound stalkerish, but I wish he had a card to use instead of cash so I could be all stalkler-like and memorize his name real quick and find him on Myspace or Facebook. I might just search for class of '08 male seniors at MHS with his first name.

I'm fucking ridiculous – I was about to give him my number, but it's always so awkward giving a guy my number when I'm convinced he's just a very friendly and somewhat-flirtatious straight guy.

But daaamn was he fine.

And why am I back on boy-obsessing again. I thought I was past the whole 'I need a guy to make me feel complete'. I've had so much progress in just being complete all on my own, but that's all falling to shit again and my libido is getting the better of me.

I mean, instead of searching for a good bargain on some fuel-economy-friendly car between 1k and 2.5k, I'm looking through personal and hook-up sites for sexual conquests... again. Damn Libido! Gah!

In closing – I need a car

In closing – I need to figure shit out

Damn it!